i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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