Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize