Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
