Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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