I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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