the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
