Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
