omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
