I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
