Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
