I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
its liver damage thursday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
