Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
