her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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