So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
