There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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