dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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