Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
