it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
