Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
