I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
