Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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