Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
