I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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