Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
