Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
im on a boat
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