He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
