Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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