No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
