Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
