I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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