So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
