Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
