please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
