Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
