Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
