We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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