Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
