Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
