Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
