You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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