apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
