I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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