There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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