When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
