the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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