Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
