I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
