i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
