We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
