I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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