Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
