I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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